Dance With Who Brung You

Yesterday I wrote a post that somehow disappeared and I decided that was good. The writing was not clear and I couldn't seem to make it clear. In playing with it, it disappeared for good - truly for good in both senses. It wasn't good writing and it was gone for good.

I'll try again to convey the message I entitled "Beginning at the Beginning". Perhaps I will use the same title today - we'll see. Usually I don't title the write until I'm finished since I'm never quite sure what will appear on the screen.

It's about meditating to connect with my inner voice. For the past five years I've been trying many different meditation methods with little to no success. Yesterday, I went back to my beginning attempts in the early '70s when I began practicing yoga. My teacher was Chris Williams (ODD: Several times when I typed her name yesterday, a t appeared at the end! Was it really Christ who was teaching me? )

So yesterday morning I sat with a my Claritas candle (a gift from my interspiritual mentor training course) and an incense stick burning. I held my healing bowl in my hands resting on a pillow in my lap. I was wearing the shawl Sara knitted for me. (None of this is unusual.) I set a timer for 30 minutes and began chanting "Om" on my exhalations and thinking "Welcome lovingkindness" on my inhalations. (This is the unusual part.) Om is thought of in many different ways - as the voice of God, the sound of creation, etc. I think of it as the sound of creation. It is used in nearly every yoga class I've ever attended. The most beautiful rendition I've heard was at a Dalai Lama event in Atlanta a couple of years ago when his accompanying Tibetan monks chanted it for what seemed like many hours as background and a kind of calling to the assembly before and after the Dalai Lama spoke.

I once taught the chant to a group attending a Lutheran conference and was told by one attendee afterwards that "we don't do that kind of thing - it's heathen." Is it heathen if it isn't Lutheran? I don't think so. But, that's another topic.

What I'm trying to tell you this morning - Sometimes it's good to go back to the basics. Sometimes it's best to "dance with who brung you."

The Interim

We are between Christmas and New Year's Day celebrations. It is a good time for meditation, contemplation, just taking stock and being grateful for ___________. Too many states of being and possessions to name. I have been blessed with such abundance - much of which I've already mentioned from time to time, but I must put in writing my gratitude for my healthy body, my loving family and friends, and my mental and emotional connection to Spirit. Everywhere I look this morning I see God - in the trees standing on the other side of the Pond - and reflected in its surface, the water, grasses and fallen leaves, the sunshine and the sky, the windchimes, and even the screened porch. The ducks and geese are in hiding. With just a slight twist of my head, I see the labyrinth and the three newly planted willow trees, and the dam - all things I see each morning - but somehow today they seem like special gifts. The warm cottage is a blessing. (I spent yesterday afternoon installing plastic sheeting over the inside of four more windows - Jim and I did some when he was here recently. What a super invention! It adds to the comfort of the cottage and still I can open the drapes and the blinds and see outside clearly.) The sun is shining brightly and the temperature will go up to 55 before the day is over. How could anyone ask for a more perfect winter day! I must say I'd enjoy seeing enough snow to cover the ground, but I certainly don't want what the Midwest is getting!

Over the next days of this interim between 2009 and 2010 I will dwell upon my life as it has been and look for some changes I'd like to make. I will especially concentrate on developing a plan for adding a deeper sense of lovingkindness. The Dalai Lama has said, "My religion is kindness." That is what I will be pondering.

Last Day at the Pond before Atlanta

Today is a busy one - 8:30 appointment with audiologist for hearing checkup, to the bank for gift cash, one more gift to find, finding boxes, wrapping gifts, finishing baking Chex mix and chili pecans and cheese puffs - Why in the world didn't I know earlier the sons would want these standards? May have to finish the baking at their homes. At any rate, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without some last minute fun things to get done. Maybe that's why I don't do much till the week before. Oh yes! I'll also be keeping an eye out for the UPS man! Still two gifts on the way. Unfortunately they are delayed because of the huge snow storm that traveled across the south and up the east coast.

It is just beginning to become light outside. Haven't heard my goose friends - 4 of them here now. They must be sleeping in this morning. Not much time to sit this morning - too much to get done. Perhaps later this afternoon when I'm ready for my nap I can squeeze in some "at the window" time.

Yoga sessions yesterday in the Yogatorium and two more this evening at the church. What a joy it is to be with them. For now I'm thoroughly enjoying doing a bit more hands-on teaching since I'm still denying my body the joy of full participation in the asana practice - waiting for total physical healing.

The Spiritual Sisters met on Sunday afternoon and renewed my concentration on the feeling of lovingkindness. It is truly amazing how my thought processes change, as well as my actions, and my body sensations when the word lovingkindness flashes in my mind's eye. Somehow it always causes a pause. And, that's where I find the Force - in the pauses. The Energy flows in through the pauses. Like right now.

First Morning Back Home

Grandsons "licking the bowl" at Thanksgiving - My Window and Pond in the background

I'm back in my chair by the window. It's cold this morning, but not too cold for the ducks and the geese. Our lone goose has been joined by three more - not sure if the same ones who disappeared in September - I suspect they moved to another of the many nearby ponds for a while. If they hang around, I'll be back to scooping goose poop again. Do you suppose some good is in all this? Could it be good for the grass? What do the local golf courses do about it? I remember when we lived in Clemson and walked the path at the Y on Lake Hartwell we occasionally saw what seemed like fifty to a hundred geese there and, of course, did some close watching of where we stepped.

What a way to start a blog post! Didn't really intend doing this when I sat, but that guy was honking so loudly I couldn't think about anything else. He's stopped now.

I am so pleased! I have been able to transfer my meditation practice as it was at South Beach to here. I have switched to my Claritas crystal candle holder since the red Christmas one was nearly exhausted. But, still the frankincense stick and the lovely healing bowl Anne gave me, my prayer shawl knitted by Sara, and the same calmness. I was pleasantly surprised by a halo around the candle flame this morning - a first - the colors of the rainbow appeared as a halo while I was repeating my mantra for each family member - beginning with me. The mantra came to me by way of Claritas and Karen Drucker, our beautiful musician when we were in Boulder. It is in the form of metta (lovingkindness) meditation. For those who didn't receive my Christmas annual letter, here are the words:

May I (you,we) be filled with lovingkindness

May I be well

May I be peaceful and at ease

And may I be happy.

And, indeed, I am happy. It is good to be home again - especially knowing I'll be leaving again on Wednesday to join family in Cumming and Suwanee for Christmas. I guess when I get right down to it, I am a wanderer. There is so much that I don't know yet and the most delightful way to learn is to be there!

The Awakening

This final morning at South Beach is - I'm not quite sure what it is. I sat in my usual way and became aware of the division between earth and sky. To my right, a small sliver of light showed in the beginning and gradually increased as time passed. The black sky turned lighter, into a dark gray, as the light streak widened. Still, even now, it is dark. But all along the separation line there is activity. To my left there are channel marker lights flashing red and green and one that is a still white light marker. A flashing white light is probably from the lighthouse on Tybee Island? Savannah? There are lights from buildings on the shore across Calibogue Sound from me that appear to be flashing as the pine trees sway in the wind. Yesterday's stormy wind and rain has ended. Despite the lights I mention, it is truly dark and only now beginning to be light enough for the separation to be gone. It is as though the darkness has lifted and left a oneness of earth and sky. The shrimp boat hasn't yet come by. Perhaps he is staying in on Saturday? Perhaps bad weather is expected? Perhaps he's caught his limit? Is there a limit?
Now the separation between earth and sky has returned with the early morning light turning everything gray but the sky lighter than the water. Now I can see the waves breaking on the shore. Now the awakening has occurred. When? I missed it.

Last Day of Retreat

The photo shows my daylight meditation log and my villa directly above the eye in the log, with two chairs on the deck. The sand is just in front of the log.

Tomorrow morning at 10:00 I must be out of here. Endings are not fun. I don't want to leave. This has been a wonderfilled, uplifting, renewing week. The funk I was in is over. I have had several days spent alone with my thoughts, my books, the sea and the sand, the pelicans, gulls, sanderlings, and dolphins. What a blessing to have this space to just be. It was helpful to have Jim spend an hour in the afternoons lying in reclined cobbler while I corpsed. How fortunate I am to have a brother with whom to share these moments.

I had thought I would blog each morning, but instead my routine has been like this. I get up at 5:30 in the dark, light a candle and a frankincense stick (THANKS, Cat!) set the microwave timer for 30 minutes, sit on the couch with my prayer shawl over my shoulders, my zafu (pillow) in my lap and my beautiful blue ceramic healing bowl (THANKS, Anne) held in my hands atop my pillow. It is pitch black dark. Two mornings I saw a shrimp boat go by coming out of Calibogue Sound going into the Atlantic with Savannah on the right (starboard? port?) with all the lights on - looked like a Christmas tree! (No, I don't always keep my eyes closed the whole time I'm meditating.) By the time the timer went off, I was ready for green tea and just sitting watching the light begin to appear in the sky. Once tea and a bit of journaling was done, I curled up on the couch and slept - such a beautiful sleep! And I dreamed. It was so exciting to be dreaming pleasant ones - not nightmares - as I had been doing at home. I confess, I didn't write in my dream journal - somehow they seemed too sacred to reduce to paper. Nothing terribly visionary or spacey, just pleasant dreams.

If I've lost you at this point, feel perfectly free to tune out. But, you know what, I'm loving this!

Today I shared a delightful lunch with Anne (Jim's wife) at Truffles, my very favorite restaurant here. It was pouring down rain and there were few people about, which perhaps made it even better! I had a lovely chicken soup with almonds. And, purchased a fun T-shirt. Tomorrow I'll return to the Pond. I will carry with me a sense of well-being and peace that I will share with my family and yoga students during the week of Christmas. I will renew my intention to serve by marketing myself as a yoga teacher and reaching out to those who have not yet discovered the joy I have in practicing asanas (postures, poses) and meditation (contemplation) and devoting study time to spiritual texts. That is my plan, my purpose, my mission.

What is your plan, your purpose, your mission?

Sorry, I haven't yet learned how to position the photos - but at least I can get them here!

Happy Weekend!

No news - just checking in

Good evening! I'm at the midpoint of my week here at Hilton Head. What a delightful place I'm in! And, the weather has been very cooperative. Walking on the beach daily, watching from inside my villa the pelicans, gulls, and dolphins at play. A marvelous place for personal retreat. Jim was over today and we did some yoga together while listening to Sharon Salzberg talk about metta (lovingkindness) on her Insight Meditation CD's. Mostly we just corpsed and that was good! I've spent a lot of time just "being" and looking at the ocean. A wonderfully peaceful place to just "be".

Tonight Kate is arriving to spend the night with me. I am so honored that she is driving from her studio in Savannah here for just the night and spending some of her precious time with me. Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Anne for a "ladies' time out" and do a bit of shopping. I have a new camera that I'm just beginning to learn how to operate. Perhaps I'll figure out how to get photos from it onto the blog before the week is out. We'll see. I'm not really particularly interested in doing anything this week that takes a lot of effort - either mental or physical! So the photos may not happen.

Perhaps in the morning I can be a bit more philosophical. We'll see.

The Red Hat

After receiving Nancy's email about women's passages - I remembered the photo of me in a red hat and am inspired to join in the fun and share it with you. It was taken by Dale Turner during a yoga class gathering in Greenville several years ago. As you might guess, it was a true celebration of womanhood!

To the more serious side now - I'm at HH in my beachside villa and have had great success in my self-imposed spiritual retreat. Three meditation sessions so far and a marvelous walk on the beach in fog but relatively warm weather. All in all, it's working! I am so grateful for this opportunity!

Off to South Beach

Brother Jim was here Tuesday and Wednesday nights. As usual, we came up with a small project - this time, putting up clear vinyl film over the big window to help keep out the cold. And,we did one small bedroom window first to learn how. Now, I'm eager to get all the rest done! But not now. Today I'm preparing to leave tomorrow for Hilton Head for a final (I hope) week of recovery. Yesterday surgeon seemed pleased with progress. I'll see him again in three weeks.

My plan for the coming week away is to once again get deeply into my spiritual seekings. Somehow the last few weeks have been concentrated on Thanksgiving holiday and surgery recovery. Why is it that we allow ourselves to slip back into "everyday life in the ordinary world" and ignore our yearnings for the deeper self? Even after we learn that true joy lies in the Self. My first attempts at going deeper were at South Beach in Sea Pines at Hilton Head in 1996. I am returning to the same place for renewal. The key word for now is lovingkindness - theme our Spiritual Sisters study group is exploring.

But, for now, to town to get the 4-runner serviced, to purchase yarn for "knitting while reflecting", and picking up prescription, ---getting it all together to be away. Stay with me. I'll keep writing.

Rain - still dark

Woke at 5:00 this morning - siren sounded about 15 minutes later - tornado threat - and shortly after the siren - heavy rain and winds - acorns hitting the roof woke me originally about 3:30. It has been raining since early last evening. The Pond must be full nearly to overflowing again, the driveway no doubt has rainwater running down the tiny ditch that has been etched into it leading into the Pond. It will be interesting to see how much the ditch has grown when the sun rises.

Wonderful being with yoga students last evening for the first time in two weeks. Still lacking stamina, so mostly talked them through the session.

No wise thoughts this morning - just being.

By the way, the time shown below is incorrect - off by about 3 hours - don't know how to fix that. Time on my desktop toolbar is 6:46, the right time now.

Between night and morning

It is early

not night, not morning

the in between time

but it isn't dawn really

the sun is in hiding

the world is gray and black and white

but mostly gray



Trees along the far edge of the Pond

are repeated as black in the water

and just now are brown

against the green grass on one side

and yellow-tan broomsedge on the other



When will morning come?

now

it is here now even without the sun

showing his face



He is hiding

sleeping in late

on a Tuesday morning.



If I were to walk out front

I might see Miss Moon.

She is often there

even as Mr. Sun begins

lighting the sky

all around her.



But almost never

when he finallyshows his face.



Are they afraid of each other?

I think they respect each other's

domain

and therefore do not compete for space



Would that I could do that.

Yoga again!

.

FINALLY! We're back together beginning today with sessions at the Yogatorium and tomorrow at the church. These last two weeks away have been really tough for me without my yoga practice. I did do a few twists, but my energy level has plummeted. So, today I'll begin the road back! As I hope most of you know, the gaps in practice don't really matter as long as you have the gumption to resume your program! And, it doesn't really matter how slowly you begin again, just that you do begin again.

The Pond is quiet this morning. The sky is a bit gray. The ducks are swimming along the edge on the other side and the goose is following them - no honking yet-or if so I missed it. At times like these, I am astounded at the pleasure I get from just being here and looking. I'm reminded of my father's last years when that's what he did - simply sat with his oxygen and watched the pond. How I wish I had some way to know his thoughts then - I did find a diary a few years ago with only two entries. Both had to do with the weather and no other comments. Strange how we are tied to the weather - even though our livelihoods no longer are related to the weather. Still many of our recreation activities are - like tennis, for example. An important part of my sons' and their wives' lives. And, soccer - for the grandchildren!

More another day.

Christmas Music

I'm at the window, neither the goose nor the ducks are in evidence -all is quiet and still with only a bit of disturbance in the surface of the Pond out in the center. It is gray. Showers are predicted, but no snow. That's only in the mountains behind Clemson. My first action this morning was to retrieve Christmas music CD's (and a few tapes) from the storage building. And the one on top is one of my favorites - Anne Murray singing popular and religious songs interspersed. Her style reminds me a bit of Michael Bubele (sp?) - I've heard him twice now - at the lighting of the Christmas tree in Washington or New York - don't remember which - and again on Oprah yesterday. His style and popularity bring back such memories - the same style and popularity of singers of my youth - Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, etc. All this is to say - fashion and style recycles! How glad I am to see a softness, a depth, a sense of feeling kindness and love and hope -"I just haven't met you yet" - beautiful thoughts and attitudes!

Michael can't begin to touch the depths of my soul like my very favorite - Nat King Cole. Of course I'm biased - I once studied guitar with Irving Ashby - his guitarist - when we lived in Pasadena and Bob was studying 24/7 (although we didn't call it that then) and I had time on my hands even though working full time.

Christmas time is one of memories - old and new ones being formed. The music is a special way to recover memories of a lifetime. I wish for all of you, they are memories of happiness and love!

The photo is of the plaque Sara provided for the center of the labyrinth when Claritas I Pod 3 Sisters first created it.

It's one week ago this morning that I had the rectocele repair surgery. All week I kept saying "maybe tomorrow I'll feel like blogging." Finally my head is clearer and my body is not so "attention getting." That is to say, I THINK I can write with some clarity and some joy! Before, I just couldn't get up for it. Frankly, I think I defined the recuperative time as a week and so that's what it took! What a powerful thing is the mind.

The ducks are dancing on the Pond this morning. I think they love the cold weather. The goose is just sort of watching from the sidelines. The mist has lifted and the sun is shining making all the trees double up by reflecting in the Pond. There is gray over toward the town of Ninety Six behind the old fire tower that is long out of use. I wonder when someone last climbed it. Maybe they still do occasionally, but I think the SC Forestry Commission now relies on air surveillance for fire lookouts.

Thanksgiving was a joyous occasion with all ten of us here together. Tate's family arrived from Florida to enjoy the bonfire and s'mores following our hot dog cookout Wednesday evening. I had precooked sweet potato souffle, Clemson blue cheese potatoes, and macaroni & cheese. The guys fried a turkey and roasted lamb. Girls made cherry-o-cheese pies and the boys whipped cream. I put together the dressing, pumpkin pie and pecan pie and at the last minute Luke remembered the collards so those got done while the turkey fried. Sons were kept busy all the while helping the grandsons fish - from the canoe and the pedal boat this time. Everyone managed to stay dry except Luke - which added a bit of excitement when he tipped over in the canoe.

While I escaped to the hospital for my surgery the Friday after, the dutiful daughters (in-law) changed sheets and cleaned up the cottage and the Yogatorium and handled the left-over food. Meanwhile the five grandchildren decorated my wire Christmas tree with hand-made things using construction paper, markers, clothespins, and glue-ons from the crafts box. The clothespins were actually bought to make rubber-band guns with paint stirrers but turned out to be useful clips for the tree too. The children have learned to sign and date each of their beautiful creations so we can all enjoy reminiscing each year. The oldest item is a pineapple Kelsey made in '05. (The fresh pineapple was a real hit this year.) From now on, I'll keep all the items with the tree and we can keep adding to it each Thanksgiving. The kids can hardly imagine how valuable each item is to me. Each day I touch each one and thank God for the beautiful Kelsey and Sydney and handsome Walker, Jack and Sam. My perfect sons, Tate and Luke, and their perfect wives, Wendy and Susan, have created two perfect families For this, I am so GRATEFUL. No greater gift can there be.

Since there is a remote possibility we'll get a dusting of snow tomorrow, I've chosen a photo of the labyrinth I took last year when it snowed a bit. The labyrinth is clearly visible from my chair by the window and even though I don't walk it every day, I draw strength from seeing it!

The Red Oak - and Gratitude

The very large red oak in the center of the photo is to be removed this weekend - maybe today. It had no green leaves this spring so I accepted its demise and for safety it must come down - to protect buildings and people from damage when it falls - either limb by limb or all at once. Somehow after writing about the Jack pine I can't get trees off my mind. Sorry I don't have a photo of the Jack pine -you can find them by Googling.

Lotsof activity going on here now. Yesterday the repair of the drive was done following the huge rain we had that washed out a portion of the drive. At least we hope the dirt moving expedition does the job! We'll find out when we have the next big rain. And, even with the marking, a phone line was cut and that got repaired. The same day, the ac/heat in the Yogatorium got repaired and the back door to the cabin also. It's amazing how things all seem to happen at once. I guess it's a human thing - just letting things go for a while until something forces us to take action! And, when we get started, it seems everything breaks at the same time! Or, at least things that have been ignored get noticed and fixed.

Now, it's time for preparing for Thanksgiving coming up on Thursday next. And, there are so many things for which I'm thankful I hardly know where to begin. My space here at the Pond. The Yogatorium. The Great Blue Heron, the ducks, and an occasional goose - not a crowd! We do still have the lone one that showed up a week or so ago and he/she is doing enough messes without any help. The overflow pipe for the Pond that barely managed to keep it from overflowing the dam last week. But it did do the job. My family of 10 and the gift of Bob, who led the clan for many wonderful years - and now still supplies answers to queries for me. For this, I am so grateful. I am also especially grateful for friends. When I get right down to it, the love of friends and family is the only thing that truly matters. All other things are just that - things. I'm remembering Nicky saying "It's all just stuff" after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I thank him for giving me this reminder that keeps coming back to me when I get overcome with managing stuff. I'm grateful for those of you who are reading my posts and letting me know. Your encouragement keeps me working with words - one of my most pleasant activities. My good health and good health professionals who care for me. Which reminds me - I'm having dry eyes problems that I've just recently learned is the cause of my eyelids filling with fluid! And I thought it was some kind of allergy! So much for self-diagnosis! And I am so grateful there are drops to use to relieve the problem - and that I have insurance to cover the cost.
For these things, and so much more, I am so grateful!

The Jack Pine Tree

Palmetto at Inchydoney Island, Eire

Wednesday morning at the window

It has been a wonderfully busy week since I last blogged. Today is free of any appointments or chores - one for reflection. So, here goes.

Parker Palmer's book, A Hidden Wholeness - the Journey Toward an Undivided Life, contains a section entitled "Images of Integrity." That word, integrity, always sets off feelings of grandeur in my mind - how magnificent it would be to live with integrity. Perhaps I should put that word on my fridge for a while. What does integrity mean to me? Perfection. Values. Goodness. Right thinking. Right action. Purity. All lovely words and somehow beyond achieving but ideals for looking toward and living in pursuit of - even a single one of the words. The author cites Douglas Wood's words Jack pines....are not lumber trees [and they] won't win many beauty contests either. But to me this valiant old tree, solitary on its own rocky point, is as beautiful as a living thing can be .... In the calligraphy of its shape against the sky is written strength of character and perseverance, survival of wind, drought, cold, heat, disease....

In its silence it speaks of....wholeness....an integrity that comes from being what you are.

All those beautiful words I chose - are unattainable, yes, but perhaps easier to at least visualize and define than "what you are." As is often the case, now I'm right back where I've been for the last decade or so: Who am I?

Just Being

What a night of rain we had! And it's still raining. The Pond is as full as I've ever seen it. The center willow tree is probably in standing water now! Can't see for the tall grass at the edge of the pond, but for sure it's close! The lowest spot on the dam looks to be about a foot above the water. And, the wind - the chimes have been singing all night and still are. What a delight! I am excited about having another day to watch the rain and read, cook something new (Garbanzo chocolate cake) to welcome my Pod Sisters on Thursday and Friday for the weekend, and just BE.

My eye doctor told me yesterday I am not suffering from an allergy but "dry eyes" that have caused my eyelids to fill with fluid and look AWFUL. They've come back to almost normal now. The interesting thing about this is what Luke and I agreed - all illnesses are either "Weight related" or "Age related." What a bummer when one gets told "yes, you'll have to use these drops the rest of your life." I'm not gonna tell you the name - you see it on TV all the time! Surely there is some kind of curative action one can take? Like drinking more water? As a matter of fact, I have been drinking a lot more water in the last couple of weeks (keep a pint jar with me all the time now) and I suspect it has helped. Believe me, I'm just so grateful for an annoying ailment rather than a killing one! And an ailment for which there is a treatment! I thank God every day for the healthy body I have.

I don't have any great message for today - just BEING.

Lovingkindness, Detox weekend, Yoga on the grass

Tuesday 7:00 am by the window overlooking the Pond

Once again I'm attempting a sort of meditation by writing here. I am inspired by what I read yesterday in "Confessions of a Pagan Nun," a book I first read in Kinsale and have now re-read thanks to Martha. The sentences that spoke to me are many, but these in particular: "...receiving kindness is the only comfort for suffering. Giving kindness is the only method for forgetting suffering." I have slept on these words and this morning find them worth studying and even acting upon.

These words speak to m e especially at this time because I am a member of a new group meeting for the first time November 22 to share thoughts about lovingkindness. Sharon Salzburg's book of that title is an obvious reference. Does anyone have others to suggest? It occurs to me that I will be a better, wiser person for this pondering.

It is raining softly this morning. The new wind chimes are singing occasionally. I heard the goose honk before daylight but he/she is quiet now. Must learn to distinguish males and females if I can. Does anyone have an easy way to do that for Canadian geese? Later I'll google.

I'm beginning to get notes on Facebook! What a fun thing. Still haven't learned how to use it - but at least I'm on there.

Our final day of detox weekend was absolutely FUN. SusanT came out late morning and made waffles for us - no flour - chick peas, corn meal, crazy stuff!! But, they were delicious! We ate them "dry long so" or added peanut butter, maple syrup, blueberries, etc. and had a delightful feast. The heat had gone out in the Yogatorium and it was COLD in there even with two heaters going. So, late in the afternoon we did a yoga session out on the grass in front - a first and truly fun. Earlier SusanB and I rode in the pedal boat, Stacey took photographs and we all just sat in the warm sun and baked while reading. All in all, the detox weekend was a big success.

Sunday morning on the Porch
In the last post, I promised a surprise re meditation. SusanB and I tried for a 20-minute sit in the Yogatorium yesterday. I set the kitchen timer and we sat - and we sat - and we sat - and we sat. Finally, I gave up and released my right leg tp a bemt knee upright position and held that for maybe 5 minutes or so. Eventually, I gave up completely and picked up the timer and it was still on 19! I had set it for 20 hours rather than minutes. So, when we got back to the cottage, Stacy said she had been just ready to walk out the door and come find us - we had been sitting for 45 minutes!!!! I'm not sure what the message is here. All I know is I have never sat for more than 30 minutes before and I don't truly remember doing that - 20 has been a max I think.
It's now the day after one full detox day (actually 2 for me and Stacey) and I feel great - empty but great! Had black bean soup SusanB made, humongous salads - sp[inach, lettuce, cranberries, toasted pumpkin seeds, bell peppers, onions, carrots, etc. using a dressing Stacey concocted of olive oil, peanut butter, and garlic - (my garlic powder is OLD - even double amounts didn't domuch, so she added some minced garlic from the fridge. Kiwi, oranges, figs, apples, blueberries, walnuts, almonds, quinoa, buckwheat, and the winner so far is Stacey's chocolate dessert - cake I guess you'd call it - but no flour - chick peas (garbanzos) egg, chocolate chips, cocoa, honey and I think baking powder. We'll preserve the recipe for sure! This morning Susan T is to prepare waffles - I'll have to write about those later. I rpesented each team member with a pint jar for water and we each wrote our names on them and are using them to drown our insides and I can't recall having felt so clean. Well, I do too - anone who's had a colonoscopy prep day does! At any rate, this is a much more pleasant way to achieve the cleansing. And, presumably we're cleansing the inside of the clls as well as the inside of our body.
This is our second detox weekend (first one in Febuary) and so we're getting more proficint at it, whatever that means. Anyway, we're having FUN too. Last night we watched Shirley Valentine movie together and got lots of chuckles. We also did an exercise from Parker Palmer's "Hidden Wholeness" book to discover values - which sounds boring as the devil, but in fact was revealing to each of us and fun, too.
Stacey and SusanT cleaned off my home page and got me into Facebook. Now, the work is to figure out what to do with it now that I'm on it.
One small glitch - the heat in the Yogatoriumwent out - so we're using it with heaters, but not very satisfactorily. Perhaps today will be warm enough that we can do more than short morning stretches in sweat clothes.
Enough for now. Time to wake up Stacey and get on with the day!

Confessions of a Would-be Meditator

Friday morning, Nov. 6, 2009
I'm trying something new this morning. Sitting by my window overlooking the screened porch and Pond as I usually do, but using my laptop to write. Theoretically, journaling is more personal, more inside stuff, if handwritten with a pen. We'll see. I think part of that comes from not being able to type. I spent the first ten years of my working life typing, taking shorthand, etc. - things that become automatic after a while - sort of like riding a bicycle. So this is a test. when I'm through I'll let you know what I think happened. (Actually I let you know in the title - which I selected after the write.)
The detox weekend is on! Stacey arrived last evening abou 9:30 - we took a few minutes to discuss the horrific shooting by the psychiatrist military man at Fort Hood where a dozen died and some 30 more (I'm not good at numbers) were shot. Stacey lived at Fort Hood many years ago. I finished off the wine, cookies, and candy left over before she came so now I'm ready to detox! That sounds awful, but really there was only one glass of wine, 5 Nutter Butter cookies and 3 pieces of Hershey's nuggets with almonds left.
Mist on the Pond again - rolling east to west. Water surface has a few ripples in it, seemingly moving in the opposite direction. My new wind chimes I purchased (my very first ones!) in Atlanta when I had lunch recently with Cat, my Clemson yoga teacher about ten years ago, - the chimes are still. The tree leaves are even browner - by now the pines with their bright green needles are the only brightness in the forest.
New solar lights for the Yogatorium pathway work beautifully! May need a few more, but the four I set out work very well. Susu brought Lynn with her at 6:00 for yoga. No one showed for the 7:30 session.
If you're still with me, you have just read a very good example of why meditation is so difficult for me. My mind wanders and jumps around from one topic to another when I'm typing, but much more rapidly when I'm "sitting." I almost said attempting to meditate. But, there ae those who define meditation as sitting and that is the stage at which I still find myself - just sitting. The problem, I know, is that I don't sit long enough. I recall very well that 20 minutes is a minimum time period, at least for me, to obtain even a tiny bit of what seems like peace. So, I still play at meditating by sitting but not nearly regularly enough or long enough at a sitting. I'm not quite sure why I find it difficult even now - I believe it has something to do with fear - but of what? Is it possible I don't really WANT to know who I am? Am I afraid I won't like me? Am I afraid the REAL me will be somebody I don't know and don't like? Or, is it a fear of losing control. But why? Who will then be in control? Is it a matter of shedding all the veils I have spent 76 years covering myself with? Oops - with which I've covered myself. See what I mean? The analytical mind is a vicious master. At least a relentless one.
How can I grow into my true Self if I don't learn to listen? AHA! An aha moment. I cannot. Learning to listen has been in the back of my mind for more than a year now as a necessity, but only just now have I actually confessed that I am not doing it. I keep talking about sitting twice a day for at least 20 minutes, but I haven't done it more than a very few times - maybe three or four.
Enough for now. Time for another mug of organic green tea.
Are you still reading? Now you have seen a good example of the kinds of insights that come from journaling if you persist - As Julia Cameron writes in "The Artist's Way", three pages each morning - a minimum.
Just wait till you see the NEXT POST about my meditating!

Going Inward

It's Wednesday morning. The sun is shining and a light mist is over the Pond moving east to west from the dam towards the peninsula. The leaves are turning dull yellows, reds, and even some brown even though no frost yet. Mostly yellows and browns now. I've begun washing the yoga mats in the bathtub one or two at a time - and hanging them over the hand rails on the screen porch to dry. I'd still like to have a clothes line in the yard somewhere - maybe between the house and the wisteria fence? After the hackberry trees are removed - they drip some kind of black stuff on everything beneath them.

Tomorrow we'll begin gathering here for our detox weekend. All of this writing began as my journal writing this morning and suddenly I realized I'm not writing for me - but for the blog. Is that just as helpful? Opening my Self to others? Or am I even opening my Self? Who is speaking?

The candle on the window sill helps me come back to center - where the "secret" sits and knows. What does the secret know this morning? I am loved. I am on the right path. Yoga is where I can give back - my purpose, commitment, my gift to others - as well as myself. I need look no further now. I shall concentrate my activity and my study on yoga and Celtic Wisdom for now.

Thursday morning. Mist over the Pond again but still this morning, not moving. A single goose is on the Pond honking. I pray he is just visiting and doesn't take up residence. We only recently got rid of a family that was a real nuisance. At least once a week I had to clean up the yard in order to walk without stepping in goose dung. Our family of three ducks is down to two now. I suppose he went looking for a female. Unless I'm mistaken, all three are males. Haven't seen a female duck around for six or eight months - maybe longer. My sense of time is way off. Events I think happened three or four years ago actually occurred six or eight! Perhaps that is good. I don't really want to believe time is passing so rapidly - and yet - I'm living such a full life it's easy to lose track of time.

Yesterday was a fun one cleaning house, removing clutter, mopping the floor, washing yoga mats in the tub, buying solar lights for the Yogatorium path - just lots of fun stuff getting ready for guests this weekend for our detox. Then the Pod comes next weekend - and only two weekends later, family for Thanksgiving - there I go again living in the future. Why is it so hard to live in the present moment? Why do I always want to have "something to look forward to?" My Mother always said that was important to her, too. Is it a fear of dying? A fear of "nothing." Why is that so undesirable? Because we're then forced inward? Are we afraid there is nothing there? Is it fear of the unknown? What is wrong with now! (I need to re-read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now.

The Great Blue Heron just flew across the Pond - reminding me - God is always here. The Earth and all her inhabitants are always here. I am never alone.

If these writings seem too personal, I apologize. I use these examples to show you and me how I come to some of my deeper insights. Sometimes just questions, not answers.

Namaste.

Yoga Classes - Expanding Schedule

Good morning. After a good night's sleep I came to the conclusion I truly want to offer more classes at the Yogatorium. So, beginning now, I will during the month of November, hold sessions Mondays and Thursdays at 8:30 and 10:30 am and 6:00 and 7:30 pm. That is, four times each day on both Monday and Thursday. EXCEPTION - no classes Thanksgiving week.

My hope is that you will pass the word along to any of your acquaintances who don't know about the Yogatorium and the classes. You may be surprised by who is interested - I know I'm often surprised. My dream is to reach as many people as possible to give them the opportunity to at least try gentle flow yoga. Be sure to let them know we spend the final 15 minutes of each one-hour class in relaxation pose - called savasana or corpse pose - that is lying on the floor in the most comfortable position you can find with blankets, pillows, eye pillows, etc. A real treat for all of us under stress - and who isn't?

Time Change and the Mobile Phone

I am forever amazed at technology - How in the world did my cell phone know at 5:45 this morning that daylight savings ended at 2:00 this morning? My stove clock and my microwave clock didn't and neither did any of my watches or the clock in my car! It's downright scary sometimes when these things happen! But then, I still don't understand how a radio works - especially a battery operated one.

Today is the first day of the Celtic new year. Interestingly, I learned this week that this year the first day of the Lutheran church year is November 29 - not very far from the Celtic one. My interest in Celtic Christianity continues as I learn so many common factors and it becomes even more obvious why the Celts so readily accepted and adopted Christianity into their culture. I am now working my way through The Complete Idiot's Guide to Celtic Wisdom. along with a couple of other resources. When all else becomes too complex, go to Idiot's Guides or ....... for Dummies Guides. Much of what I think I know comes from such.

While I have your attention, I'm eager to share some of my most important learnings lately - which have nothing to do with the Irish or Celts or technology. My weight has been under control for a few months now and my digestive tract is happier. I credit two factors: 1) I'm drinking water from a pint jar I carry around with me all day long and most days consuming 4 jars full, or 2 quarts. 2) My food is weighted very heavily toward fiber, veggies, fruits, nuts, and homemade (by me) Irish brown bread (Oops! there comes the Irish again!) In addition, I'm avoiding caffeine, sugar (use honey), and synthetic chemicals found in processed food. And, I FEEL GOOD!

Enough for this first day of the new year!

I'd love comments - if you don't want to click on "comments" and respond - try email at jhymnd@clemson.edu. Either way - Happy New Year!

Body and Soul - O'Donohue

Many of you are aware of my continuing study of yoga and Celtic spirituality. John O'Donohue's book, Anam Cara (soul companion), is one of my often-read sources. I'd like to share with you an entire section, but for some reason it won't transfer from a file to this post. So, I am posting a few highlights and will be happy to send via email the entire one-page article from the book.

Your mind can deceive you and put all kinds of barriers between you and your nature; but your body does not lie.............

The body is your only home in the universe. It is your house of belonging here in the world. It is a very sacred temple. To spend time in silence before the mystery of your body brings you toward wisdom and holiness.........

Close your eyes and relax into your body. Imagine a light all around you, the light of your soul. Then with your breath, draw that light into your body and bring it with your breath through every area of your body............

One of the oldest meditations is to imagine the light coming into you, and then on your outward breath to imagine you are exhaling the darkness or an inner charcoal residue.......

The inner voices of the body want to speak to us, to inform us of the truths beneath the fixed surface of our external lives.

Some people ask for more.

Some people have asked for more notes from me since the Ireland postings ended. So here goes a new blog. I hope whoever reads my postings will comment either directly (ask and I'll explain - it's really simple once you know how) or by email. Particularly if you decide it's no fun reading tell me and I'll write about something else.

It hit me this morning as I was studying "Where Three Streams Meet" that I am almost every day studying and learning something. Perhaps others might be interested in learning from my perusings so here's a few thoughts for today.

By the way, I also have an ulterior motive - learned from TV the other day (Yes, I actually watch it occasionally now.) that only a very small percentage (less than 5%) of seniors (don't remember WHICH seniors) who use a computer do blog. So, you know me, I had to see if I could put one up without Kate's help! Now the challenge for all you seniors is to comment so you can then say you blog, too!

A strange concept I found is "scrying" and, as usual, I went to Google to find out what in the world scrying is. You can do the same thing, of course, but before you do, since you're here right now, I can tell you it's a form of seeking the divine (divination) or simply thinking by looking into water, a crystal ball, the clouds, a mirror, etc. to see shapes and interpret them for your own personal growth. I'd be willing to bet every one of you has found shapes in clouds, but how many of you have attempted to analyze what the shape means in terms of your own personal growth? Kind of like interpreting dreams, is my take on this. What's yours?

Enough for one day. (By the way you're looking at Walker, Sydney, Sam, Kelsey, and Jack with me. Photo taken by Luke Haymond. Profile head shot by Kelsey Haymond.)