Going Inward

It's Wednesday morning. The sun is shining and a light mist is over the Pond moving east to west from the dam towards the peninsula. The leaves are turning dull yellows, reds, and even some brown even though no frost yet. Mostly yellows and browns now. I've begun washing the yoga mats in the bathtub one or two at a time - and hanging them over the hand rails on the screen porch to dry. I'd still like to have a clothes line in the yard somewhere - maybe between the house and the wisteria fence? After the hackberry trees are removed - they drip some kind of black stuff on everything beneath them.

Tomorrow we'll begin gathering here for our detox weekend. All of this writing began as my journal writing this morning and suddenly I realized I'm not writing for me - but for the blog. Is that just as helpful? Opening my Self to others? Or am I even opening my Self? Who is speaking?

The candle on the window sill helps me come back to center - where the "secret" sits and knows. What does the secret know this morning? I am loved. I am on the right path. Yoga is where I can give back - my purpose, commitment, my gift to others - as well as myself. I need look no further now. I shall concentrate my activity and my study on yoga and Celtic Wisdom for now.

Thursday morning. Mist over the Pond again but still this morning, not moving. A single goose is on the Pond honking. I pray he is just visiting and doesn't take up residence. We only recently got rid of a family that was a real nuisance. At least once a week I had to clean up the yard in order to walk without stepping in goose dung. Our family of three ducks is down to two now. I suppose he went looking for a female. Unless I'm mistaken, all three are males. Haven't seen a female duck around for six or eight months - maybe longer. My sense of time is way off. Events I think happened three or four years ago actually occurred six or eight! Perhaps that is good. I don't really want to believe time is passing so rapidly - and yet - I'm living such a full life it's easy to lose track of time.

Yesterday was a fun one cleaning house, removing clutter, mopping the floor, washing yoga mats in the tub, buying solar lights for the Yogatorium path - just lots of fun stuff getting ready for guests this weekend for our detox. Then the Pod comes next weekend - and only two weekends later, family for Thanksgiving - there I go again living in the future. Why is it so hard to live in the present moment? Why do I always want to have "something to look forward to?" My Mother always said that was important to her, too. Is it a fear of dying? A fear of "nothing." Why is that so undesirable? Because we're then forced inward? Are we afraid there is nothing there? Is it fear of the unknown? What is wrong with now! (I need to re-read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now.

The Great Blue Heron just flew across the Pond - reminding me - God is always here. The Earth and all her inhabitants are always here. I am never alone.

If these writings seem too personal, I apologize. I use these examples to show you and me how I come to some of my deeper insights. Sometimes just questions, not answers.

Namaste.