The Red Oak - and Gratitude

The very large red oak in the center of the photo is to be removed this weekend - maybe today. It had no green leaves this spring so I accepted its demise and for safety it must come down - to protect buildings and people from damage when it falls - either limb by limb or all at once. Somehow after writing about the Jack pine I can't get trees off my mind. Sorry I don't have a photo of the Jack pine -you can find them by Googling.

Lotsof activity going on here now. Yesterday the repair of the drive was done following the huge rain we had that washed out a portion of the drive. At least we hope the dirt moving expedition does the job! We'll find out when we have the next big rain. And, even with the marking, a phone line was cut and that got repaired. The same day, the ac/heat in the Yogatorium got repaired and the back door to the cabin also. It's amazing how things all seem to happen at once. I guess it's a human thing - just letting things go for a while until something forces us to take action! And, when we get started, it seems everything breaks at the same time! Or, at least things that have been ignored get noticed and fixed.

Now, it's time for preparing for Thanksgiving coming up on Thursday next. And, there are so many things for which I'm thankful I hardly know where to begin. My space here at the Pond. The Yogatorium. The Great Blue Heron, the ducks, and an occasional goose - not a crowd! We do still have the lone one that showed up a week or so ago and he/she is doing enough messes without any help. The overflow pipe for the Pond that barely managed to keep it from overflowing the dam last week. But it did do the job. My family of 10 and the gift of Bob, who led the clan for many wonderful years - and now still supplies answers to queries for me. For this, I am so grateful. I am also especially grateful for friends. When I get right down to it, the love of friends and family is the only thing that truly matters. All other things are just that - things. I'm remembering Nicky saying "It's all just stuff" after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I thank him for giving me this reminder that keeps coming back to me when I get overcome with managing stuff. I'm grateful for those of you who are reading my posts and letting me know. Your encouragement keeps me working with words - one of my most pleasant activities. My good health and good health professionals who care for me. Which reminds me - I'm having dry eyes problems that I've just recently learned is the cause of my eyelids filling with fluid! And I thought it was some kind of allergy! So much for self-diagnosis! And I am so grateful there are drops to use to relieve the problem - and that I have insurance to cover the cost.
For these things, and so much more, I am so grateful!

The Jack Pine Tree

Palmetto at Inchydoney Island, Eire

Wednesday morning at the window

It has been a wonderfully busy week since I last blogged. Today is free of any appointments or chores - one for reflection. So, here goes.

Parker Palmer's book, A Hidden Wholeness - the Journey Toward an Undivided Life, contains a section entitled "Images of Integrity." That word, integrity, always sets off feelings of grandeur in my mind - how magnificent it would be to live with integrity. Perhaps I should put that word on my fridge for a while. What does integrity mean to me? Perfection. Values. Goodness. Right thinking. Right action. Purity. All lovely words and somehow beyond achieving but ideals for looking toward and living in pursuit of - even a single one of the words. The author cites Douglas Wood's words Jack pines....are not lumber trees [and they] won't win many beauty contests either. But to me this valiant old tree, solitary on its own rocky point, is as beautiful as a living thing can be .... In the calligraphy of its shape against the sky is written strength of character and perseverance, survival of wind, drought, cold, heat, disease....

In its silence it speaks of....wholeness....an integrity that comes from being what you are.

All those beautiful words I chose - are unattainable, yes, but perhaps easier to at least visualize and define than "what you are." As is often the case, now I'm right back where I've been for the last decade or so: Who am I?

Just Being

What a night of rain we had! And it's still raining. The Pond is as full as I've ever seen it. The center willow tree is probably in standing water now! Can't see for the tall grass at the edge of the pond, but for sure it's close! The lowest spot on the dam looks to be about a foot above the water. And, the wind - the chimes have been singing all night and still are. What a delight! I am excited about having another day to watch the rain and read, cook something new (Garbanzo chocolate cake) to welcome my Pod Sisters on Thursday and Friday for the weekend, and just BE.

My eye doctor told me yesterday I am not suffering from an allergy but "dry eyes" that have caused my eyelids to fill with fluid and look AWFUL. They've come back to almost normal now. The interesting thing about this is what Luke and I agreed - all illnesses are either "Weight related" or "Age related." What a bummer when one gets told "yes, you'll have to use these drops the rest of your life." I'm not gonna tell you the name - you see it on TV all the time! Surely there is some kind of curative action one can take? Like drinking more water? As a matter of fact, I have been drinking a lot more water in the last couple of weeks (keep a pint jar with me all the time now) and I suspect it has helped. Believe me, I'm just so grateful for an annoying ailment rather than a killing one! And an ailment for which there is a treatment! I thank God every day for the healthy body I have.

I don't have any great message for today - just BEING.

Lovingkindness, Detox weekend, Yoga on the grass

Tuesday 7:00 am by the window overlooking the Pond

Once again I'm attempting a sort of meditation by writing here. I am inspired by what I read yesterday in "Confessions of a Pagan Nun," a book I first read in Kinsale and have now re-read thanks to Martha. The sentences that spoke to me are many, but these in particular: "...receiving kindness is the only comfort for suffering. Giving kindness is the only method for forgetting suffering." I have slept on these words and this morning find them worth studying and even acting upon.

These words speak to m e especially at this time because I am a member of a new group meeting for the first time November 22 to share thoughts about lovingkindness. Sharon Salzburg's book of that title is an obvious reference. Does anyone have others to suggest? It occurs to me that I will be a better, wiser person for this pondering.

It is raining softly this morning. The new wind chimes are singing occasionally. I heard the goose honk before daylight but he/she is quiet now. Must learn to distinguish males and females if I can. Does anyone have an easy way to do that for Canadian geese? Later I'll google.

I'm beginning to get notes on Facebook! What a fun thing. Still haven't learned how to use it - but at least I'm on there.

Our final day of detox weekend was absolutely FUN. SusanT came out late morning and made waffles for us - no flour - chick peas, corn meal, crazy stuff!! But, they were delicious! We ate them "dry long so" or added peanut butter, maple syrup, blueberries, etc. and had a delightful feast. The heat had gone out in the Yogatorium and it was COLD in there even with two heaters going. So, late in the afternoon we did a yoga session out on the grass in front - a first and truly fun. Earlier SusanB and I rode in the pedal boat, Stacey took photographs and we all just sat in the warm sun and baked while reading. All in all, the detox weekend was a big success.

Sunday morning on the Porch
In the last post, I promised a surprise re meditation. SusanB and I tried for a 20-minute sit in the Yogatorium yesterday. I set the kitchen timer and we sat - and we sat - and we sat - and we sat. Finally, I gave up and released my right leg tp a bemt knee upright position and held that for maybe 5 minutes or so. Eventually, I gave up completely and picked up the timer and it was still on 19! I had set it for 20 hours rather than minutes. So, when we got back to the cottage, Stacy said she had been just ready to walk out the door and come find us - we had been sitting for 45 minutes!!!! I'm not sure what the message is here. All I know is I have never sat for more than 30 minutes before and I don't truly remember doing that - 20 has been a max I think.
It's now the day after one full detox day (actually 2 for me and Stacey) and I feel great - empty but great! Had black bean soup SusanB made, humongous salads - sp[inach, lettuce, cranberries, toasted pumpkin seeds, bell peppers, onions, carrots, etc. using a dressing Stacey concocted of olive oil, peanut butter, and garlic - (my garlic powder is OLD - even double amounts didn't domuch, so she added some minced garlic from the fridge. Kiwi, oranges, figs, apples, blueberries, walnuts, almonds, quinoa, buckwheat, and the winner so far is Stacey's chocolate dessert - cake I guess you'd call it - but no flour - chick peas (garbanzos) egg, chocolate chips, cocoa, honey and I think baking powder. We'll preserve the recipe for sure! This morning Susan T is to prepare waffles - I'll have to write about those later. I rpesented each team member with a pint jar for water and we each wrote our names on them and are using them to drown our insides and I can't recall having felt so clean. Well, I do too - anone who's had a colonoscopy prep day does! At any rate, this is a much more pleasant way to achieve the cleansing. And, presumably we're cleansing the inside of the clls as well as the inside of our body.
This is our second detox weekend (first one in Febuary) and so we're getting more proficint at it, whatever that means. Anyway, we're having FUN too. Last night we watched Shirley Valentine movie together and got lots of chuckles. We also did an exercise from Parker Palmer's "Hidden Wholeness" book to discover values - which sounds boring as the devil, but in fact was revealing to each of us and fun, too.
Stacey and SusanT cleaned off my home page and got me into Facebook. Now, the work is to figure out what to do with it now that I'm on it.
One small glitch - the heat in the Yogatoriumwent out - so we're using it with heaters, but not very satisfactorily. Perhaps today will be warm enough that we can do more than short morning stretches in sweat clothes.
Enough for now. Time to wake up Stacey and get on with the day!

Confessions of a Would-be Meditator

Friday morning, Nov. 6, 2009
I'm trying something new this morning. Sitting by my window overlooking the screened porch and Pond as I usually do, but using my laptop to write. Theoretically, journaling is more personal, more inside stuff, if handwritten with a pen. We'll see. I think part of that comes from not being able to type. I spent the first ten years of my working life typing, taking shorthand, etc. - things that become automatic after a while - sort of like riding a bicycle. So this is a test. when I'm through I'll let you know what I think happened. (Actually I let you know in the title - which I selected after the write.)
The detox weekend is on! Stacey arrived last evening abou 9:30 - we took a few minutes to discuss the horrific shooting by the psychiatrist military man at Fort Hood where a dozen died and some 30 more (I'm not good at numbers) were shot. Stacey lived at Fort Hood many years ago. I finished off the wine, cookies, and candy left over before she came so now I'm ready to detox! That sounds awful, but really there was only one glass of wine, 5 Nutter Butter cookies and 3 pieces of Hershey's nuggets with almonds left.
Mist on the Pond again - rolling east to west. Water surface has a few ripples in it, seemingly moving in the opposite direction. My new wind chimes I purchased (my very first ones!) in Atlanta when I had lunch recently with Cat, my Clemson yoga teacher about ten years ago, - the chimes are still. The tree leaves are even browner - by now the pines with their bright green needles are the only brightness in the forest.
New solar lights for the Yogatorium pathway work beautifully! May need a few more, but the four I set out work very well. Susu brought Lynn with her at 6:00 for yoga. No one showed for the 7:30 session.
If you're still with me, you have just read a very good example of why meditation is so difficult for me. My mind wanders and jumps around from one topic to another when I'm typing, but much more rapidly when I'm "sitting." I almost said attempting to meditate. But, there ae those who define meditation as sitting and that is the stage at which I still find myself - just sitting. The problem, I know, is that I don't sit long enough. I recall very well that 20 minutes is a minimum time period, at least for me, to obtain even a tiny bit of what seems like peace. So, I still play at meditating by sitting but not nearly regularly enough or long enough at a sitting. I'm not quite sure why I find it difficult even now - I believe it has something to do with fear - but of what? Is it possible I don't really WANT to know who I am? Am I afraid I won't like me? Am I afraid the REAL me will be somebody I don't know and don't like? Or, is it a fear of losing control. But why? Who will then be in control? Is it a matter of shedding all the veils I have spent 76 years covering myself with? Oops - with which I've covered myself. See what I mean? The analytical mind is a vicious master. At least a relentless one.
How can I grow into my true Self if I don't learn to listen? AHA! An aha moment. I cannot. Learning to listen has been in the back of my mind for more than a year now as a necessity, but only just now have I actually confessed that I am not doing it. I keep talking about sitting twice a day for at least 20 minutes, but I haven't done it more than a very few times - maybe three or four.
Enough for now. Time for another mug of organic green tea.
Are you still reading? Now you have seen a good example of the kinds of insights that come from journaling if you persist - As Julia Cameron writes in "The Artist's Way", three pages each morning - a minimum.
Just wait till you see the NEXT POST about my meditating!

Going Inward

It's Wednesday morning. The sun is shining and a light mist is over the Pond moving east to west from the dam towards the peninsula. The leaves are turning dull yellows, reds, and even some brown even though no frost yet. Mostly yellows and browns now. I've begun washing the yoga mats in the bathtub one or two at a time - and hanging them over the hand rails on the screen porch to dry. I'd still like to have a clothes line in the yard somewhere - maybe between the house and the wisteria fence? After the hackberry trees are removed - they drip some kind of black stuff on everything beneath them.

Tomorrow we'll begin gathering here for our detox weekend. All of this writing began as my journal writing this morning and suddenly I realized I'm not writing for me - but for the blog. Is that just as helpful? Opening my Self to others? Or am I even opening my Self? Who is speaking?

The candle on the window sill helps me come back to center - where the "secret" sits and knows. What does the secret know this morning? I am loved. I am on the right path. Yoga is where I can give back - my purpose, commitment, my gift to others - as well as myself. I need look no further now. I shall concentrate my activity and my study on yoga and Celtic Wisdom for now.

Thursday morning. Mist over the Pond again but still this morning, not moving. A single goose is on the Pond honking. I pray he is just visiting and doesn't take up residence. We only recently got rid of a family that was a real nuisance. At least once a week I had to clean up the yard in order to walk without stepping in goose dung. Our family of three ducks is down to two now. I suppose he went looking for a female. Unless I'm mistaken, all three are males. Haven't seen a female duck around for six or eight months - maybe longer. My sense of time is way off. Events I think happened three or four years ago actually occurred six or eight! Perhaps that is good. I don't really want to believe time is passing so rapidly - and yet - I'm living such a full life it's easy to lose track of time.

Yesterday was a fun one cleaning house, removing clutter, mopping the floor, washing yoga mats in the tub, buying solar lights for the Yogatorium path - just lots of fun stuff getting ready for guests this weekend for our detox. Then the Pod comes next weekend - and only two weekends later, family for Thanksgiving - there I go again living in the future. Why is it so hard to live in the present moment? Why do I always want to have "something to look forward to?" My Mother always said that was important to her, too. Is it a fear of dying? A fear of "nothing." Why is that so undesirable? Because we're then forced inward? Are we afraid there is nothing there? Is it fear of the unknown? What is wrong with now! (I need to re-read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now.

The Great Blue Heron just flew across the Pond - reminding me - God is always here. The Earth and all her inhabitants are always here. I am never alone.

If these writings seem too personal, I apologize. I use these examples to show you and me how I come to some of my deeper insights. Sometimes just questions, not answers.

Namaste.

Yoga Classes - Expanding Schedule

Good morning. After a good night's sleep I came to the conclusion I truly want to offer more classes at the Yogatorium. So, beginning now, I will during the month of November, hold sessions Mondays and Thursdays at 8:30 and 10:30 am and 6:00 and 7:30 pm. That is, four times each day on both Monday and Thursday. EXCEPTION - no classes Thanksgiving week.

My hope is that you will pass the word along to any of your acquaintances who don't know about the Yogatorium and the classes. You may be surprised by who is interested - I know I'm often surprised. My dream is to reach as many people as possible to give them the opportunity to at least try gentle flow yoga. Be sure to let them know we spend the final 15 minutes of each one-hour class in relaxation pose - called savasana or corpse pose - that is lying on the floor in the most comfortable position you can find with blankets, pillows, eye pillows, etc. A real treat for all of us under stress - and who isn't?

Time Change and the Mobile Phone

I am forever amazed at technology - How in the world did my cell phone know at 5:45 this morning that daylight savings ended at 2:00 this morning? My stove clock and my microwave clock didn't and neither did any of my watches or the clock in my car! It's downright scary sometimes when these things happen! But then, I still don't understand how a radio works - especially a battery operated one.

Today is the first day of the Celtic new year. Interestingly, I learned this week that this year the first day of the Lutheran church year is November 29 - not very far from the Celtic one. My interest in Celtic Christianity continues as I learn so many common factors and it becomes even more obvious why the Celts so readily accepted and adopted Christianity into their culture. I am now working my way through The Complete Idiot's Guide to Celtic Wisdom. along with a couple of other resources. When all else becomes too complex, go to Idiot's Guides or ....... for Dummies Guides. Much of what I think I know comes from such.

While I have your attention, I'm eager to share some of my most important learnings lately - which have nothing to do with the Irish or Celts or technology. My weight has been under control for a few months now and my digestive tract is happier. I credit two factors: 1) I'm drinking water from a pint jar I carry around with me all day long and most days consuming 4 jars full, or 2 quarts. 2) My food is weighted very heavily toward fiber, veggies, fruits, nuts, and homemade (by me) Irish brown bread (Oops! there comes the Irish again!) In addition, I'm avoiding caffeine, sugar (use honey), and synthetic chemicals found in processed food. And, I FEEL GOOD!

Enough for this first day of the new year!

I'd love comments - if you don't want to click on "comments" and respond - try email at jhymnd@clemson.edu. Either way - Happy New Year!